Idle Thoughts
by Kalta79
Summary: New cadet Cloud gets drunk in every sense of the word and embarrasses himself with a case of idle thought verbal diarrhea to Sephiroth. #I was bored #One Shot #Punch-Drunk Cloud #Innuendo #Nonsense #Don't Examine This Too Closely


"These are the newest recruits?" Sephiroth asked Zack almost disdainfully as he looked over the motley crew.

"Yes, sir." Zack replied. "They've all passed their preliminaries with at least an 85% score. Except..."

"Which one is the quota filler?" Sephiroth frowned.

"The one on that end, sir. I think..." Zack started to say when Sephiroth strode over to the trainee in question.

"Your name?" Sephiroth surprised himself by asking the shrimpy young man. He didn't usually bother learning their names, not unless they became contenders for First Class rank.

"Cloud Strife, sir!" he eagerly answered, standing up straighter, excited about being face to face with his idol.

"So you think you have what it takes to be part of SOLDIER?" Sephiroth wanted to know.

"Sir, yes sir! I won't let you down!" Cloud blurted out with a smile.

"I think he's got potential." Zack finished his sentence to his superior, and smiled reassuringly at Cloud.

"We'll see about that." Sephiroth replied cynically and swept majestically out of the room.

"Hey, we're going out to the bar tonight, you wanna come?" one of the cadets sharing quarters with Cloud asked him that night.

"Sure." Cloud replied. He wanted to relax from trying to think of how to prove himself to Sephiroth. His idol had actually spoken to him, and Cloud's pleasure at the event was tempered by the apparent lack of faith he had in Cloud. But he'd show him, he'd show them all! And then Nibelheim would throw a celebration in honor of his heroism and Tifa in a sheer top would the one giving him all his awards.

"We've got a problem." Zack told Sephiroth in an urgent tone when the silver-haired warrior opened his door. "Some of our cadets are causing a major brawl at the Pussy Toes Tavern."

"Why is that our concern?" Sephiroth asked coolly, disliking the interruption of his planned relaxing night of watching his backlog of recorded cooking shows.

"Because it is." Zack told him. "We're responsible for them."

"Very well." Sephiroth knew Zack wouldn't let this go, and decided blasting the new recruits would at least make him feel better about his ruined night.

"Apologize!" Cloud grabbed the barfly by his jacket and yelled in his face while shaking him violently, though the repeated blows to the head he had sustained made it hard for the blonde recruit to remember what the man was supposed to apologize for.

"I wasn't the one who insulted Sephiroth, he was!" the barfly yelled back, pointing randomly away from him.

"Who did?" Cloud released him and spun around to locate his new target, but he felt extremely dizzy from the sudden movement, and was only barely aware when the barfly brought down a bottle on his head. Cloud blinked twice as blood and beer streamed down his head, then half-collapsed into the newly arrived Zack's arms.

The entire tavern fell quiet when they realized Sephiroth himself was now among them, surveying the wreckage caused by the brawl. The other cadets paused in their fighting and immediately stopped and stood at attention. "He's the one who started it, sir." the bartender told Sephiroth nervously, pointing at Cloud.

"Return to the barracks and wait for me." Sephiroth coldly told the other cadets, who immediately obeyed. He then turned back to the bartender. "Here's something for the damages." He threw down a big wad of gil on the counter and gestured for Zack to follow him out with the barely conscious Cloud.

The fresh air outside the tavern roused Cloud enough to become aware of his surroundings. "Sephiroth! They were being mean to you, but you don't have to worry, I defended your honor!" Cloud blurted out.

"He's not only drunk, but I think he took one too many hits to the head." Zack told his superior. "I don't think the cut on his head is serious, but it needs to be cleaned...and so does he."

"I suppose you think that because my place is closer, we should take him there?" Sephiroth was ready to pout over being further inconvenienced, though he was rather amused that this sorry excuse for a cadet thought he could defend his honor.

"You're...you're so pretty!" Cloud said to Sephiroth. "Just as pretty as daisies...they're my favorite flower."

"Uh, I don't think that's a good idea, sir." Zack replied. "I'll take him back to the barracks."

"Your hair is so pretty too...and shiny...can I brush it for you?" Cloud asked his idol.

Sephiroth's mouth twitched. He had never told anyone, but he had found out as a young man that having someone else brush his hair was extremely erotic for him. "Good, then you can discipline the recruits and I can finish my night off." he told Zack, resisting the urge to find out how well the young man could pamper him.

"You don't want me to groom you? How about I dance for you then? I'm a ballerina!" Cloud pushed himself away from Zack and tried to pirouette, but ended up falling on his ass again. "I'll even dance for you without my tutu...or anything!"

"I'll take him right away, sir." Zack felt embarrassed for the poor drunk cadet.

"You're my hero! Please sign my butt!" Cloud pleaded to Sephiroth as Zack half-carried him towards the direction of barracks. "Or spank it! I was bad, wasn't I?"

The next morning, Cloud felt like death warmed over when he woke up in his own bed, and was surprised to see Zack in the room, with a damp washcloth he put on Cloud's forehead. "Glad you're awake. Your head cut will heal soon, it was pretty shallow."

"Wha...what happened?" Cloud couldn't remember anything.

"You um...got drunk and got in a bar brawl at Pussy Toes Tavern." Zack didn't want to mention the various indecent offers he had made to Sephiroth.

"I did?" Cloud felt bad. "I...I didn't embarrass myself, did I?"

"You were drunk, everyone will forget about it soon enough." Zack said encouragingly. "But you better have some coffee or something else to perk you up, and maybe a couple painkillers. You still have to train today, and if you want to prove yourself, you can't miss it for anything."

"Okay. I'll prove myself, and then Tifa will..." Cloud said.

"Oooooooh, there _is_ a girl." Zack teased him. "Well if she's worth it, she won't care if you make it to First Class."

"I hope so." Cloud admitted.

Sephiroth stood to the right of the open door, feeling his heart sink as he listened to the conversation. He spun around on his heel and left the barracks, throwing the bouquet of daisies in the trash on his way out.


End file.
